i make my blog as a private one for a few reasons . i would only wanna tell how im feeling right now to certain people,that is you guys . well,i don't really want other people that i don't know to know what's my situation now . not my mother also . well,basically,i thought i could gain everything that i owned before backk . but i won't,ever . i'll tell you why,shortly .

so what do you think? surprised? im worst! they actually attached to each other on 02nd July 2007 that i on Mondae the day where my sis bumped into Fahmy and Ain at bugis . Fahmy was playing two-timer at that time,with me keeping in the dark without knowing anything,anything . Fahmy says a few things to Ain which would convinced her about our seperations .

Firstly,he told Ain that he got nothing else to do with him anymore where else im still his GF . Secondly,he told Ain that i had fallen for a new guy and that makes him feel that the love for us had faded . Thirdly,he told Ain that after our break-upp,i had a new guy and im happy about that break-upp thing . wonder where i get to know all this? Ain herself call my handphone . i don't know where the farking hell she got my number . maybe from Fahmy or Ayu,his sister .

i was pissed and cried at the same time . i thought i could get him back,now that he had accused me with so many things,i wont go back to you . i wont . and if i were,i would be thunder would strike me . im for real . i hate him . i really hate him . i thought he was the BEST GUY i've ever known? but i made a mistake . i really make a big mistake . i hate him,till im dead i will . he accused me with such things,how dare he do that to me? he dosent love me anymore and had another GF while he's still mine . he would reply me that he loves me when everytime i asked him whether he loves me or not . he would say he misses me so much too when i tell him how much i missed him .

i made a mistake,now then i realised . this world isnt perfect . we wouldnt always get what we wanted,right? Fahmy,8 months down the drain . im sorry Ahmad Syazwan . for leaving you,hurting you,dissapoint you,make you cry,make you feel sad and mad just because i had a crush on Fahmy . im sorry . i shouldnt do that to you . i was blind then . i thought i could last with him . but no,i was wrong . i should go for you instead . you actually did sooo much things for me then Fahmy did . you waited for me for sooo long . i've dissapoint you,deeply . i should go for a guy who will love me all of his heart and soul and the one who is willing to wait for me no matter what happens . not for a guy who i just had a crush on . Syazwan,im sorry .

and now,i wont try my best to be with Fahmy back,forever i wont . i cant believe this . thanks for everything Fahmy . the sacrifices,the kisses,the hugs,the perfume smells,the gifts,the comfort,the love,the touch,your smile,the way you walk,the way you talk to me,the way u love me,the way you treat me,the times we spent together,the money you spent on me,the times when u sent me and fetch me back to school,the laughters,your jokes,your long-conversation calls,the love notes,the cards,the teddy bear,the sweet talks and sweet words you told me,the movie,Peter Parker,the spraying of water to each other,spending my time with me,wiping my tears away for me,help me with stuff and to be there when i need someone to talk to and be with . thanks for everything .

i would still remember the msg you told me:
● Your love for me is 30,000 deep .
● Your love for me is as wide as a football field
● And you wish me,Happy Birthday Swetheart,on 08th October 2007 on my calender hp .
● You said,there's no other girl is as special as me .
● You said,there's no other girl is as patience as me .
● You told me you love me a lot and dosent want to be apart with me .

your special to me before,and now no more . u have hurt me deeply . how could you . and well,all i could do now is to slap my bloody face just to forget about you . yes,i did it every time i remember about you . i miss the time when you send me back home from school every single day . you give me kisses after sending me back home . you hugged me when i feel sad and need someone to talk to . you held my hand when we walk together . i smelled your perfume everytime im with you . the fragrance . the times we spent together outside and inside school . the jokes i made . i made you laugh . the money you spent on me . the sacrifices . i still remember,i wanted to save my money for my Dancework 2007 and u're the one who always buy food for me and refrain me from starving . the food and drinks we shared together . the gifts . when u met my parents,how lucky you were . the time when we catch movies . i would always touch your SEXY LIPS and would stare deeply into it and kiss it . i love it when you put your arms around my waist , i felt comfortable,safe and i like it . your smile,your hair . its the reason why i called you PrettyBoy . so many things,we shared together .

i wouldnt possibly forget them . thanks for everything . simply everything . i woulnt forget such a person like you in the positive ways . i hope,you and Ain WOULD NOT last long . i hope . im not being mean but i wanna make it a lesson for you . im sorry . we just planned about our future,but its all gone . all because of you . never mind . your just a typical guy like NOI says .

Who's gonna celebrate my birthday with me this year?

Who's gonna eat Dendeng with me at Geylang on the coming fasting month?

Who's gonna wear the same baju kurung color as me on Hari Raya?

(:

Im still crying . my face are red now,thank you .